♥ Lililly

Why, Hello...

2011-10-14T23:35:00.000-07:00

Am I back? I don't know. but I had to share this:
And say:My children grow more beautiful by the second it seems.
ZJ is three in January and I almost can't believe it. Hes still not a huge talker of english, but doesn't really shut up or stop talking either. He drives me insane, breaks my heart and makes me laugh my ass off. He loves his dad like woah, and could give or take me. The curse of being the working parent sometimes is too hard to bear for this mama.
I love the way he is obsessed with pirates and is almost always in his 'pirate hat' (a knitted black beenie with a skull and crossbones on it). He hates putting on cold clothes on because he is worried they are wet, yet can play in the water outside for hours on end. I can't get over the way he tries to be tricky and the way he says "what happened!?" he he pretends to fall over.
Last weekend him and I went for a wander down the long driveway and then down the very busy main road 'treasure hunting', me basically in my pjs and him in his boots clutching a bucket for all his finds.

Evie is a wee beauty at 14 months. She loves to eat everything and can devour anything within a few seconds. Today she started walking. Shes been standing up solo, cruising and everything for ages, but today she sort of just started walking like shes been doing it for months.Shes so clever and already has so many words that I couldn't even list them all. She says 'ahoy!' when ZJ has his pirate cartoons on and as soon as she is in her highchair in the morning she starts demanding 'mmmnanas!'. When we ask her for a kiss she leans over towards you and goes 'mmmmm!'. She has a smile that can light up a room and melt any heart. Her uncle calls her Scruffy, and ZJ calls her 'Weedy'.

Farewell

2011-05-13T16:03:00.000-07:00

There comes a time when a girl must move on.
And the time has come in regards to this blog.

To be perfectly honest... Its not ME. Well, ok...it is. But its kind of a fake me.
I feel restricted in what I can say or do because I know people are watching. Real life people, people that possibly judge. Ok definitely people that judge but people that I care about judging... if you know what I mean.
This whole thing? Its not me. Its more like a veneer. A show.

Its all for others... and its exhausting!

This turned into a place where people came to see what was happening in my life, or our lives really. But you know what? If you want to know that stuff you should call me. Or chat to me on gmail or Facebook. You are all mostly added there anyway. You want to see pics of the kids? I can email them.

I debated sharing anything on the interwebs again but I need a place, a chunk of space that is just mine. Something for the selfish as all fuck fourteen year old girl in me. So I now have a Tumblr account, its not under this same user name - I've let that one go too. Its for pretty little things that catch my eye. Words, poems and pictures and make my brain tick and sing to me. And a home for my self portraits from the 365 project.

Follow me if you like. But don't bring your big girl judgy pants.

Its about me. The inside me. Not the mama me (well, probably that too because thats a huge chunk of me), but its most definitely the non work-safe me. I want to swear and I want to cuss. I want to have a place where I don't think.. oh shit I'm half naked in this picture because I feel comfortable with my body and my sexuality but OHMYGOD what is [instet name of relative] going to think, DOIEVENCARE? Shit.. Do I? Yes? No? ...Yes.'

But before I go I just want to say I'm doing ok and we are doing good. Thank you for your lovely comments, support and love after the miscarriage, especially to those of you who knew from the beginning and were there to cyber-pat my head and fill my head with noise to numb it out. Thankyou to all the D&B loves out there.

I have a wonderful little family, and a wonderful life ahead. The pain, once dulled, only makes that brighter.

xo.

The baby that got away

2011-05-09T11:49:00.000-07:00

Today, on May 10th, I would of been around 14 weeks pregnant. And as the BabyCentre calendar was suggesting - would be a good day to announce my pregnancy.

As I write this it is the 15th of March and today I have miscarried.

I was so shocked to find out I was pregnant. It was certainly not planned. I didn't feel ready to be pregnant again, even if I felt we could have and handle another baby ok, the thought of being pregnant just freaked me out to my core. How could my body even be ready for this again so soon? How can I be pregnant and be at work again for another go? How is this fair when my other friends are trying so hard to conceive and I just get knocked up randomly?
And we have plans you know? We are getting married next April, no wedding dress shopping now eh? Let alone a budget for this gig. How are we going to afford the maternity leave now?

I was so shocked to find out I was pregnant and borderline crazed over plan making. And now I'm so hurt and disorientated to find out the baby is gone.

Another kick in the guts, one which I can't quite understand why it hurts so much when surely it should of prepared me, was that I knew it wouldn't last. Easy to say now right? But I mentioned my rather pessimistic views on it a few times to Simon, who I had begged not to tell a soul about the pregnancy even though he promptly told his mother (and will now have to tell her sometime soon that the baby is gone). "I don't think this baby is going to stick" I texted him once while I was at work. I had no signs that it wouldn't it was just something I felt. When I thought forward to November 8th, the possible due date of my unborn baby, I could not imagine holding another on in my arms like I could with all the others. Although I had nausea and I was exhausted, I also kept forgetting about being pregnant and when I somehow reminded myself of the fact, the shock would send me reeling again.

Two hours before the bleeding started I had a complete meltdown at Simon. Freaking out about not being able to handle doing it all over again, going another round of being the breadwinner, a mum, no sleep and now also sharing my body again.

And then it happened, a simple trip to the loo turned to absolute horror and here I am, sitting here at my desk which still has a positive pregnancy test sitting innocently on it ...and I'm devastated. And I don't feel like I should be, like I don't deserve to be since maybe my negative thoughts brought this all down on me. Like somehow I'm paying for it.

Even though there is a rational side of my brain whispering 'these things happen, its not your fault, it wasn't meant to be, your not guilty, its probably for the best', just as I had whispered to friends in this very position (yet never ever will again) there is another side of my brain yelling 'suck it up bitch, your totally did this'.

I hope by the time this auto-posts (If its not deleted before then) that I have come to terms with it more, and maybe let some of the guilt go. I wonder if the terror would of subsided and I will be feeling more matter of fact about it all.

I hope I get over it. But something tells me a little part of me wont.

Some things about my son

2011-03-14T15:35:00.000-07:00

I'm having a hugely bad day and I'm unwell... but instead of spreading my misery here I'm going to talk about some wonderful stuff I love about our son.

He went through a stage recently where he would only want to wear his monster all in one polar fleece PJs instead of pants. I would tie the arms around his waist to form a sort of belt so they wouldn't fall down. I didn't care so much but it was the middle of summer so I can't imagine polar fleece was very comfortable. Each to their own though.

He has a bit of an obsession with cats. He likes to get books with pictures of animals in and says 'Nooo' and shakes his head at every animal in every picture until he gets to a cat. Every other animal is called 'no'. Cats are 'dats'. He tries to call our cats by waving his arm in the air and rubbing his thumb and forefinger together like hes trying to click and then yelling 'ddaaaAAAHHaaaat!'.

He calls his father 'Dad Dii'.
I am 'Daddaa'. Like a lesser, more inferior version of his father. (which technically, in his eyes, is probably true)
We play this game every day where I say "can you say ..Nose!" and he repeats the word, usually pretty well if he knows them (as in he knows what it means, what it does and how he can take it apart with a screwdriver). Try and get him to say 'Mama' or 'mummy' and its 'Daddaa'.
Needless to say, he hasn't really mastered the english language yet.

He says 'oh no!' at least 219407324 times a day. Sometimes he drops things on purpose just to say it, I swear.

Before bed he has to kiss everyone goodnight. He runs around the room going 'mmmmmm!' and poking his face out, lips puckered. If you take too long to respond his MmMmMMs get louder and louder and he starts pointing at you frustratedly.
If he can possibly get away with it, he will pretend hes forgotten that he has already kissed everyone goodnight and do another round. Hes got good stalling tactics.

Sometimes he is such a little douchebag to his sister and other times hes so so kind. He will fetch her a rattle and shake it in front of her before handing it over. Then he will get a burp cloth and wipe her drool/spill up (all the while saying in his little concerned voice 'oh no! OOH NO!') and he will pat her head affectionately.

I love the way he can sleep. Sometimes if we have put him to bed and hes decided its not time for sleep he will be a monster and destroy his bed. He will pull all the sheets and mattress protector up, sometimes throwing it all out of the cot but usually he will pile it up in the middle with all his soft toys and you can tell he was laying over it screaming before suddenly just falling asleep, atop the pile.
I go in there at night and remake the bed underneath him, tuck him in and kiss his head. He NEVER wakes up.

<3

♥ list

2011-03-14T08:00:00.000-07:00

Love this rustic farm wedding via Ruffledblog.com.

Lots of fantastic ideas in this low budget wedding blog.

Bit in love with this white floss silk wedding shawl via Mucar on Etsy.

Custom fingerprint rings from Fubuluster on Etsy.

There is so much I love about this camping wedding weekend via OnceWed.

I have developed a love for convertible dresses.

Gah. <3.

Weeks 9 & 10

2011-03-12T11:57:00.000-08:00

Gah, I've been a slackarse keeping track of the colours I have been wearing lately!

So, without further ado, week 9...
BYS - Ultra Violet

Week 10, Avon Speed Dry in Boysenberry

Happy mardi gras

2011-03-05T07:00:00.000-08:00

The other day I was feeling nostalgic, as I'm want to do at this time of the year, so I pulled out my huge bag of mardi gras beads from under the bed.

This is what happened.

Happy mardi gras everyone!
And to my New Orleans loved ones? I miss you. Have a daiquiri for me ok?

Everyday...

2011-03-04T20:22:00.000-08:00

He seems to grow an inch, or change just a wee bit.

No longer my little baby, but a little boy.
♥

Buttons buttons!

2011-02-27T13:17:00.001-08:00

I'm not really a button wearing person, but I would make an exception for these beauties!

♥ list

2011-02-27T08:00:00.000-08:00

I am so completely in love with these boots by Spirocreations!!!
They are even from New Zealand. Oh the pictures I could take with these.

I just need to win lotto first.

How awesome is this wall decal??

Gorgeous wee print by Nutandbee.

Beautiful shawl by Mucar in Turkey.

So pretty! Grecian ring by Grigio on Etsy.

Love this Can Lantern idea that I found on Ruffled.

Christchurch - ways you can help

2011-02-26T18:00:00.000-08:00

Photo via www.stuff.co.nz

Lots of people have been asking how they can help out, so here you go, here is a list. If you can give, even if it is just a small amount - please do.

Cash donations:
Donate to the Rangiora Earthquake Express - they are getting as much help as they can to Christchurch residents by chopper. Go here to their fund raising page or here to see their website.

A Mayoral fund has been set up for donations to the citizens of Christchurch using the following BNZ bank account: 02-0800-084958-000.

Donate to the Red Cross or alternatively text a message of hope to 4419 to donate $3 (text works with all mobile network providers in NZ.

Donate to the Salvation Army.

Dontate to the Canterbury SPCA via this form right here.

To help all of the pets and animals affected by the earthquake you can text 'FOOD' to 4662 to donate $3 to the Paw Justice animal food bank.

Volunteers:
The University of Canterbury Students Association is inviting people to join the student volunteer army once again (they are freaking awesome!).
Volunteers should arrive at the UCSA car park on Ilam Road between 9am and 10am and bring shovels, wheelbarrows, gloves, raincoats, sunblock, drink bottles. Find out more about the StudentVolunteerArmy on Facebook.

Phones:
Telecom is collecting corded phones to distribute to those who need them. The phones can be dropped in to any Telecom store during retail opening hours.

Accommodation:
If you have a spare room and can host Christchurch residents traveling to Auckland to escape the disaster for a while you can call 0800 AUCKLAND to register for billeting. The service will match your facilities with a deserving Cantabrian. Welcoming someone to your home is a very human way to help.

Wellingtonians who can offer accommodation to displaced ChCh peeps by calling 04 801 4205 or emailing CD.Welfare@wcc.govt.nz with details.

Habitat for Humanity is appealing people in Canterbury with space to place listings on www.shelter.org.nz.
----------------

If you have other ways you can help, please add them in the comment section below and please please pass this on to others.

xoxo to all our friends and family in Christchurch right now.

Week 8

2011-02-26T13:14:00.000-08:00

BYS - 'Bottle Blonde'

I wanted to love this colour. I really really really truly did. Yellow tends to always make me happy and I had high hopes for this one. The application was so so, I dunno if it wa sa slightly different formula to the other BYS colours I've used so far, if my nails are jsut becoming too crap after repeated coatings of crap or whether I was just doing a crap job that day but it didnt seem as easy as previous times.

The colour really needed at least 2 coats to even really look like the lovely yellow the bottle promises, 3-4 would of been better. It also kinda had a bit of sparkle to it which I'm not sure I like and I think I prefer it now, after 6 days of wear and tear, chipped t buggery because the sparkle is less noticeable. The lady from the shop next door said it kinda reminded her of Karitane yellow, which is not really a compliment as 'karitane yellow' is the colour of poop from formula fed babies.

At least, I can't imagine that being a compliment.

Maybe being teamed with a purple or orangy red would set it off well.

All in all, 3/5 stars.

week 7

2011-02-20T20:54:00.000-08:00

So behind..
This was last weeks colour - OPI's 'Yoga-ta get this blue'. (erggh.)

I gotta say - I was kinda impressed at how easy the OPI stuff went on. One to two strokes each nail and it was perfect. On top of that it dried super fast so I didn't screw it up and have to redo it like I have in previous weeks. It looked good after one coat but I ended up putting another one on just to really darken it up as I was wanting a really moody deep dark colour.

Needless to say, I might of been feeling a bit emo.

It chipped off a bit on two nails on the first day of work. However it was a particularly hard day so thats fairly forgivable. It lasted alright during the week but I wouldn't say it was the top contender for staying power.

Also - points off for the crap name - 3.5/5.

Previous weeks...

♥ list

2011-02-19T18:16:00.000-08:00

There is just something about these fabric colours and patterns I love.

I want to put something like awesome Nesting Birds Tree Decal
in ZJ's (soon to be ZJ's AND Evie's) bedroom.

Harvest garland by Jaime Mancilla

Love this very cute hanging owl plush from CarrotFever on Etsy!

This is a fantastic idea. Want want!

Vintage Owl Grey Green Teal Playful Magnetic Board.

Beautiful girl

2011-02-18T11:14:00.000-08:00

She always catches me with one of her big smiles at just the right time.

Yesterday this beautiful loved up couple came into the library, looking fresh yet like they just rolled out of bed after having sex all day. They had that look about them.. you know? Like they had just gotten dressed so they can get some coffee and supplies and had nothing planned except perhaps watching a movie or two, reading a bit before having an uninterrupted meal and going to bed again.
'You want a dvd or something to read baby?' he had said as he passed the desk. They wandered around the library, hand in hand, pointing out books on crafting and the new best sellers. 'I hate you' I grumbled under my breath.

I never get to read, and if I do its usually when i should be doing something else and I'm racked with guilt. I never get to stroll through anywhere hand in hand with my love, since one of us is generally chasing after a toddler dead set on destruction and the other is holding a baby who probably just puked all over her self.

I was thinking about those two this morning, mumbling to myself as I rolled out of bed at 6am for the 8th time since going to 'sleep' (ha!) at 11pm the night before. Evie had thought 10pm was a good time to play and be AWAKE! ...and also 1am, 2:30ish am, between 4-5am and now at 6am she was back at it, squee-ing and bouncing around in her cot. 6am, by all means was a sleep in for us, but I could help but think those two arty gorgeous creatures who didn't look tired AT ALL were probably cuddled up happily in slumber-land.

But then she smiled up at me as I look down into her cot, shes always such a happy baby and always in a good mood. It contagious, it makes everything ok again.

I think about when I feed her a bottle, its so special considering I hardly get a chance to do it. I love the night time bottle the most when I can hear the chaos outside and ZJ banging some toy against the coffee table. But we are sitting in the dark and cool. I have her in my arms and she looks up at me and catches me looking, she will smile and her eyes do this light up thing which makes my heart skip. Her little tiny fingers will curl around my finger and everything seems right, and in its place and that the 5am wakeup calls, the misery of working my arse off... its all worth it.

One of her smiles fixes everything.

Week 6

2011-02-14T10:03:00.000-08:00

Thought I repost this with the review of this nail polish I figured I would write but never got round to it. I mean, if I'm going to wear 52 different nail polishes this year I might as well talk about them right?

Smurf blood blue. Thats not actually what it was called -Avon would never call it something like that. Could you imagine the Avon lady trying to sell that?
It should of been though, it was the perfect mushed up smurf colour. I loved it! I'm not entirely sold that blue hues suit my skin colouring, or the hordes of bright pink clothes I seem to have (?? Where did these come from?) bt I still enjoyed it for the week.

It went on ok. I seemed to screw up the first try though. For some reason this always happens to me and I end up taking it off and redoing it. seeming t strip my nails with nail polish remover makes the next load go on better? I don't know.
It was a bit thin and because its fairly fast drying you have to have your wits about you while doing it (i.e not doing it on your cofee table at 10pm when you are meant to be in bed because you have been up since 4 and have had 5904375943 coffees). I got good comments about it though sot he second coat I put on must of hid the crappy application/streakiness.

I was mildly surprised at its staying on power too. I'm as librarian so I'm constantly bumping my nails against books and desks as I check in, shelve and whatnot, so nail polishes (especially considering I never use any sort of top coat, i don't have time for that sort of carry on) has to be pretty good to last more than a day without chipping, and this lasted about 3 days before I saw a real noticeable chunk missing - so it gets ticks for that (honestly, my life is brutal on my nails).

Avon Nailwear Pro in Misty Blue - 3/5 stars.

♥ list

2011-02-12T08:00:00.000-08:00

Absolutely adore this song and advert.

'You are Here' print by Hellogoodbyeagain.

I love honest cards ;) This one is by Sycamore Street Press.

Je t'aime.

Anti Valentines day card on Etsy. Especially love the inside!

Better Together by MiniMooshee

Eclair - 6 months

2011-02-11T20:31:00.001-08:00

Beautiful girl

2011-02-09T08:00:00.000-08:00

My best friend in the whole world's little girl. She takes my breath away.
It was such an awesome experience meeting her for the first time.

New Friends

2011-02-08T08:00:00.000-08:00

I hope they grow up to be as close as their mamas. ♥

♥ list

2011-02-07T07:00:00.000-08:00

Love these tags by BOiS on Etsy.

Sometimes, I feel i really need something like this hanging around my neck.

I want to be able to pull something like this awesome dress off.

As in, keeping it on and looking good in it. You dirty dirty minded people.

Cute!

Want want want wanttttttttttttt.

So cute, so sweet. Bird Bobby Pin on Etsy.

I will always love that image.

Competition

2011-02-05T12:36:00.000-08:00

Paying it forward competition!

I have had some utterly lovely people and families bless me with their support over the past year or two and to help pay that love and support forward, I would like to introduce a new competition.

The prize is a childrens, family or maternity session for one lucky person/family worth over $100!
The winner will receive a 30-60 minute shoot at a location of their choice and will get 30-40 colour and black and white high res print ready images on a CD - to do with as they wish.

You can enter for yourself, for friends and family or even just someone random you think is deserving of a little treat.

Enter in three easy steps:

1. you need to 'like' the Kate Armstrong Photography page on facebook to become a fan or become a 'follower' below.

2. Tweet, blog or share this competition on your Facebook wall.

3. leave a comment with your name (or the name person you are nominating) and your email over at my website here...

You may enter as many names as you like provided you repeat step 2&3 each time you do it.

The winner will be announced on the 30th of March 2011.

Please note, the person must be located in or will be happy to come to Auckland to receive this prize.

Thanks again to all the wonderful people who have encouraged and supported me over the past two years.

.♥.

Eclair, 5.5 months

2011-02-04T07:00:00.000-08:00

The nailpolish thing.

2011-02-03T10:56:00.001-08:00

Week 5, yo.

So far, my most favourite of them all.

BYS in Cherry Bomb - 4.5/5 stars!

♥ list

2011-01-31T07:00:00.000-08:00

♥ Threadless tees

Found this awesome book, 'Bodies of Subversion' while weeding the 100-600s a while ago and fell in love.
I especially love all the grandmas in it rocking their full body tattoos. The book is now aprt of my personal collection, thank you to the people that didn't check it out meaning that it was on the withdrawing list!

Love this image.

Want this journal by Odelae on Etsy.

Completely heart Miss Fawn's new Tattoo!

'Skin of the night' on Flickr.

Zander, Amelia & Heidi. Kicking it with the Ipod touch.

2011-01-30T10:54:00.000-08:00

Zander picked up how to unlock the Touch in about 3 seconds. Now our iphones and ipods are all doomed. Amelia actually has one of her own anyway (well that she has to share with her sister), so she shows him how its done.

Heidi actually wasn't about to hit him, it just looks that way. She does however enjoy being boss when hes around, the poor girl is usually at the bottom of the heap.

Everytime the girls see a camera stuck in their face they yell 'cheeeeeeese!'
Almost near on impossible to get candid shots of these two.

But then the ipod touch became more interesting again. Apparently my brother has some app where the girls can trace letters or something so it helps them learn. Seriously ...Technology.

Oh, my heart, be still! these kids are just so freaking awesome. Also Zander is about 39745329843% more behaved when they are around :D

Heidi

2011-01-29T22:57:00.000-08:00

Long crazy day, but just had to share this picture - Heidi - one of my beautiful nieces.

More tomorrow. But now, tv on couch with man and sleep!

My baby, today he is two.

2011-01-28T07:00:00.000-08:00

My first image of him.
I still remember laying in recovery, clutching onto this little polariod and being so so scared, wondering if I will get to hold him, get to feel his skin against mine, wondering if he would be ok. No one told me anything except he was in NICU and no I had to stay here for a while before I could go see him. 'where is everyone' i had asked ' where is my baby?''. 'Your husband and mother have left, your baby is in intensive care'.

But, I'm glad I was asleep with tubes stuffed down my own throat when they finally struggled to get him out of me. And thankful (oh so thankful) I wasn't awake to panic while they worked to resuscitate him, or while they worried over his agpar levels. While they shoved tubes down his tiny throat, and hooked him up to machines in the incubator.

But nothing I am more thankful for is him. And what he has done to me. How he made us a family and how I have been privileged to watch him grow, and learn and throw massive tantrums and put on The Cute.

Oh my baby, I'm so thankful for you.

One day

2011-01-27T10:54:00.000-08:00

six fifteen am
Waking up to Evie. She slept in today to just before 6. This is awesome.

six thirty nine am
After the shower, out the window.

Seven fifteen am
Time to get ZJ up.

seven forty eight am
I love this view as I come down the road into St Heliers.

eight thirty eight am
Cris, being... Cris.

eleven twenty six am
Processing requests, for the third hour of the day.

one oh seven pm
Stopping by to say hello to some of the protestors down the road. I'm in the 'don't really care' camp about them knocking the houses down and i think whats being built is going to be kind of beautiful BUT, i get where they are coming from and alot of them a regular library patrons (and a couple of ex workers!).

one fifteen pm
Lunch.

three forty eight pm
Learning Maori in my breaks.

five oh four pm
Work done for the day and the court has ruled the houses won't be saved. Demo crew moves in.

six oh four pm
Home to a toddler tantrum.

eight oh one pm
Dishes, cleaning up the house after the Toddler hurricane has gone through.

eight thirty four pm
Me.

The nailpolish thing. Week 4.

2011-01-26T09:30:00.000-08:00

Its barely there looking. Kinda need that this week.

California in '73' - 3/5 stars.
Kinda pointless as I could hardly even see it with just one coat on. Infact I had to prove to people who were saying i had already failed my project I was even wearing the stuff it was so light. So points off for that. Good thing is though it was so light and barely there that when it chipped to buggery on day 2 it didn't matter :P

Red Velvet, if you please.

2011-01-24T00:16:00.000-08:00

Tried making red velvet cupcakes today.

No idea how they taste.. going to see if either of the boys die from them before I attempt one.
The whole buttermilk thing kind of put me off them a bit (or the substitute I had to resort to - since do we even have that buttermilk shite here? - did at least, basically curdling milk with lemon juice).

Plus i ate like a whole bunch of the cream cheese frosting as i was making it.

So now I kinda feel double sick.

But they look pretty.

Bed Hair

2011-01-23T09:56:00.001-08:00

2011 already off with a bang

2011-01-23T09:55:00.000-08:00

I'm so behind with my posting. I was going to sort out a whole lot yesterday (on my day off from the kids)but I got distracted by setting up my new photography website (see below) and now of course its Simon's day off formt he kids so I'm sitting here frantically typing as I hear ZJ starting to have a fit over the baby monitor. of course on my day to look after him he is up almost an hour earlier than usual :P Saying that Simon had to get up to Evie at like 4:30 yesterday so I won't complain too much.

So, as I said, I have Been setting up my new photography website! Huzzah! Go check it out and make sure to check out the AWESOME competition I have going on right now.

Also, while I'm here...
Here is week 3s nailpolish colour :)

BTW, it was Revlon Top Speed and although the colour was luscious, it was totally shit and couldn't even handle a day at work without being chipped to buggery.

St Marks Church

2011-01-16T07:00:00.000-08:00

A Happy mistake photo.

I've had a lot of those lately.

There is just something about churches. They are so beautiful and interesting. It makes me want to be religious.

But I'm not.

An ode to my camera

2011-01-15T14:35:00.000-08:00

During the last few shots of a christening I was photographing yesterday my camera started acting out my worst nightmare. It started to complain and throw up these error 99 messages. And then it refused to shoot all together.

!#!#!$%^$@!

After a few bits and pieces of advice from mates, ex husbands and photographers (and about 3 beers) I found a way to at least fix it momentarily (Uhm, yay!).

But that was close, folks. Seriously... too close for me.

Lets face it, my camera has been everywhere with me in the past 3 years.

It was there for about 400 self portraits...

Its been balanced on everything from a salt encrusted post at the beach to a pile of dirt at the park. Its taken pictures of shells, bus stations, trees, pegs and skies (and... everything in between).

Its seen the worst sides of me. Its seen depression and anxiety. The grief of loosing a loved one. The breakdown of my marriage.

I witnessed two of my best friends getting married through its lens.

Its has taken almost a thousand pictures of babies - both my own and others.
And almost as many pregnant bellies!

Its also seen the sights in New Orleans, Seattle, Los Angeles and countless other cities

It helped me publish a book of my self portraits (and be published in 3 other books). Its seen 2 failed 365 attempts. I've met countless friends through photography and its been there to mark all of my children's milestones.

Honestly?

What would I do without it?

♥ list

2011-01-14T07:02:00.000-08:00

Love this chiffon gown by TingBridal.

I can't get over Heather Evans Smith's photography. Love love love!.

My new bag. This was my christmas present from Simon.
Its not just the bag that I absolutely adore, but the day when we got it. ♥

This is cute, Poem stiching cushion by Mybeardedpigeon.

Lovely purse by Redrubyrose on Etsy.

Memories of childhood summers at my grandparents bach.

Originally uploaded by the talented Philternz on Flickr.

Why am i here?

2011-01-13T10:24:00.000-08:00

So, a question.

Why the hell am I here??

When I first started blogging it was back in something like 2005 or 6 and it was more of a diary, a way of getting crap out of my head. I had a lot of crap. I cringe looking back.

When I moved to blogger I was really getting into photography and it was a great way of sharing and promoting that. But now I don't really have time to even pick up the camera, let alone have anything to promote. I've decided to give up the paid photography thing. I don't feel I have the talent, nor the freedom to really go for it big time. And realistically it needs to be big time for us to survive - hence the lack of freedom. I'm the breadwinner.

When I became a parent I talked about parenting a lot. especially formula. But I have all but given up on that campaign. I've been humiliated, bullied and made to feel not up to par. And honestly? I don't think that is going to change. not in the time that my babies are on it anyway. I'm a sub standard mama, I've just gotten over it.

Then there is the crafty stuff. I love making stuff, seeing pretty things, posting pretty things. The blog turned into a bit of a scrapbook with me going magpie and pinching stuff from all over the place. But I really don't have time to surf the internet anymore. I wake up at 5-5:30 to Evie, jump in the shower before she hits full screech mode, get her dressed and creamed up which can take a while since we have to really cream her up - her eczema is nutty (probably also to blame on my sub standard parenting and use of formula). I start feeding her while Simon showers. Sometime i try to surf the next at this time with her propped on a pillow. But I kinda hate it. Being the working parent its often the only time i feed her during the day and my heart needs to watch her. I leave for work around 7:30 after getting ZJ up and fed. No time there. Home after 5 sometime, putting Evie down, dinner and ZJ's bedtime ensues. I can't often get away with being on here while Evie is down because shes an even lighter sleeper than i am.

I want to craft. I do. But unlike many of the people whose blogs I follow, I'm not a stay at home parent with naps to work through or running my own creative business, so I just don't have the time. Then I find when I do have the time I end up running around like a chook with its head chopped off because there is SO MUCH TO ACHIEVE in that short space of child sleeping bliss (especially with two, if they manage to nap simultaneously I'm just turning religious and thankful.

So why the hell am I here? What do i have to offer the lovely people that clicked 'follow'? Nada.
Is it time to turn in the blogging hat?

Anyway, in the meantime, im going to go ahead and leave you with Week 2s nail polish colour...because its awesome.

The happy mistake

2011-01-13T07:00:00.000-08:00

I love the light in our bedroom in the mornings.

The nailpolish thing.

2011-01-10T23:16:00.000-08:00

This was week one, I will show you what I'm wearing this week tomorrow.

Kermit green like :D But actually called BYS 'Potluck'.

I'm not a pro in nail polish but this stuff went on easy as and it STAYED ON. Even with all the banging of nails and shit my hands go through in a day. 4/5 stars for sure.

I'm loving this stupid little project. Its kind of rebellious wearing this stuff at work... like my pink hair was, but on a smaller more subtle level ;)

At the park

2011-01-10T09:28:00.000-08:00

Zander was in one of his screamy monster moods, so I took him for one on one time at the park. We played 'lets try and do self potraits while balancing the camera on some dirt' and then had a go on the seesaw and slide. He crawled through a tunnel and attempted to climb up the jungle gym.

Sometimes I look at him and my heart almost explodes. I made him. How could I make something so beautiful, something so worth every bit of stress and happiness i can muster up?

What is that quote about when you have children you heart is permanently on the outside? Thats me these days.

Spotted through the rails

2011-01-08T07:00:00.000-08:00

Sunrise, sunrise

2011-01-06T14:43:00.000-08:00

Looks like mornin' in your eyes

♥ list

2011-01-06T11:42:00.000-08:00

'Like in a cool pool'. Originally uploaded by Mela.de.gypsie

Originally uploaded by ♥gartersnlace♥

Remembering book necklace by Anticovalore.

Originally uploaded by Jamie Carter.

Thin custom worded posy rings. So cute. By Kathryn Riechert on etsy.

Brown n blue journal by jenni4k on Etsy.

2011-01-03T18:47:00.000-08:00

01: Set aside at least one hour a day to doing stuff that is just for me.

02: Wear nail polish. Let the inner funk come out. One colour for every week?

03: Start a routine at night in which I remove markup from eyes so it wont end up on pillows (!!!).

04: Stop caring if they look, and what they think.

05: Journal. Write, Draw, doodle, colour, collect + stick for every day this year.

06: Take more pictures.

07: Make a decision. Plan for the future.

08: Pay off some debt.

09: Be more crafty. Sew, create, play.

10: Get off ass and convince [ex]hubby to get off his ass and get divorced.

11: Plan a wedding :D

2010, a recap.

2010-12-31T10:00:00.000-08:00

2010 has been a big one.
I celebrated the first birthday of my first child, saw him take his first steps and develop into a fabulous little boy with uber personality. I gave birth to my second child, a beautiful little girl who smiles at every chance she gets. I will always remember my first snuggles with her - the days i spent in hospital where she lived in my bed whenever a nurse wasn't looking and we would snooze and snuggle and wonder.

Theres been downs emotionally, loosing Simon's grandmother (who is ZJs namesake), his father and also my grandmother all in a matter of a month or two. 2010 saw the fifth anniversary of my nephew's (and ZJ's other namesake) death which was horrid and opened up emotions I had thought I had managed to tuck away. The bullying in hospital. Theres been lows financially too but I have no images to mark those and in 10 years time those nights I spent sobbing in the shower wondering how the hell am I going to continue feeding my family will all be a blur.

I would say I will remember 2010 as being hard, but also one of the best. I'm happier than I have ever been. I'm in love, I have beautiful children that amaze me every day and full my days with every emotion possible. I have fantastic friends who have my back completely and deserve a better friend than i make! I have my health (more or less, ha!) and we are going to be ok.

of 5 things I'm unequivocally sure of from 2010

2010-12-30T11:30:00.000-08:00

The second baby is much easier and much more fun.
Not that I didn't have fun with ZJ or we were really THAT high strung, but Evie is WAY more fun. We are so much more relaxed as parents. We don't stress out if shes crying, and really we can deal with it much easier because we have a fair idea what is actually WRONG with her to make her cry in the first place. Milestones are more fluid and enjoyed and less 'omg why is she not hitting it yet!?' and you don't feel like anywhere near as much of a dork as you did with your first child talking to them in a high pitched voice at the supermarket.

You don't always like the people you are 'meant' to like.
This can go for any of the following: Family, your friends of friends, your best friend's other best friend, and, of course, without a doubt... co-workers.

Facebook, at least for now, is here to stay and its time to embrace it.
And on it is your mama, ex boyfriend, ex best friend that left you for dirt when you got depressed and went crazy, a of course 10 friends from primary school who you haven't seen since 1995. Really there is a whole new level of etiquette that comes with this too. Embrace it people, i certainly have to.

Breastfeeding is something to be proud of, and formula feeding makes you a bad lazy mama.
Lets face it y'all. There is no getting past it anymore. You don't see the mothers in my due date community saying '100% formula juice baby!' like all the 'boob feeding' mothers out there who always end that statement with a smiley face because they are proud of themselves and there achievements. In fact if you see a statement where someone says they formula feed, its usually followed by a 500 word paragraph as to WHY they don't breastfeed and all the problems they had and why it was all so terribly hard and why you SHOULD NOT JUDGE THEM... but you secretly do anyway.
This depresses me for more reasons I can probably write down here right now.
1. Im a formula feeding mother who constantly beats herself up over her choices so directly i feel like shit about it.
2. If breastfeeding is such a huge thing to be proud of in today's age... will it ever become NORMAL and EVERYDAY like again? Do you know what I mean? Like I just want it to be normal and the normal thing to do, no big deal, no huge fanfare if you suceed, just normal - so that people can do it freely and for as long as they want to.
3. I fear for the future of formula and for those of us who NEED it.
anyway, that is a rant for another day.

"God doesn't give you more than what you can handle".
Ok, so I don't believe in god. I wish i had that much faith in something but, lets face it, I don't. But anyone who watches big Bang Theory will probably recognize that quote - Sheldon's mum said it when she was asked how she deals with having a kid like Sheldon and she replied with "Leonard, the Lord never gives us more than we can handle. Thankfully he blessed me with two other children who are dumb as soup."
Its a wee thing im trying to live buy, but replace 'God' with 'Universe'. Some much shit has happened to us this year, but everytime something has happened we often have found a way to climb our way out of the gaping hole resonably unscathed despite by hours of bawling my eyes out and Simon looking stressed. Financially its been tough. It feels as if once we are going good and starting to make progress then it all goes to the poo and something big breaks on us. Like cars (I've spent over 3k on cars and repairs in the last year) and teeth (4k down the gurgler ...but I needed to eat apparently). Also its been a shit year emotionally.. for loosing family members and we lost 3 in quick sucession. Sure, one kinda disowned me but it was still bloody hard to deal with.

But, we have to just get up and shake ourselves off and enjoy the little things that are going well and balance it all out in the end (and prepare for the next major onsluaght).

Bring on 2011.

Zander wants the camera

2010-12-29T09:58:00.000-08:00

He wants it, and he wants it now!

Screaming and pointing doesnt work, lets take it up a notch.

What about begging?

Pretending to cry?

Nope, back to screaming.

Might also point out he was standing and stomping on the coffee table during this little display of stubbornarsetoddlerness.

There are changes afoot

2010-12-28T09:36:00.000-08:00

This incredibly bad picture of me (omg I need a haircut, or at least not to wake up and pat down my hair with a damp hand ...but its a cute one of the babe!) is brought to you to announce there are some changes going on around here. If you look to the left and right, there is a different background (honestly i mucked around with html all day but in the end it was freaking easy, gah) and some different menu buttons on the right, which I'm not entirely sure of (nor are they all working properly as of right this instant). Also, its missing a header, but I don't think I care right now.

These changes mark some bigger changes going on around there (well, for me), which I will talk about later in more depth, but one of them being is that im giving up doing paid photography work in the new year and taking some time to do some more, much needed, me stuff.

♥ list

2010-12-27T12:51:00.000-08:00

Its been a while. Its been a while since I have really done anything ME as well. This needs to change. New years resolution perhaps?

Without further ado, a ♥ list for my pretties:

Live this necklace idea.

I'm not one for buttons and badges,
but if I was... I would totally be sporting this one by Retrodivas.

Vintage Letterpress Wooden Alphabet by Vintagegalaxy

Love this image of Zander from a year ago :)

Always loved the photography by Oladios on Flickr

While we are on the favourite photographers thing, can i point out the most wonderful awesome Lucy Nuzum? I've been privileged to watch her grow as a photographer over the past few years and her stream is one i can flick through for hours. I love her images where her makes people float in a scene or be arranged up in the air somewhere. Also while I'm on the whole Lucy Nuzum thing, you should totally go here and vote for her as Ireland's Top photographer. She is number 16 and you can vote daily :D

Just had to share

2010-12-26T17:06:00.000-08:00

This picture from a shoot the other day...

Gorgeous Lucy (who you might remember from here and here), her bouncing identical twin brothers and her long suffering granddad trying to juggle them all.

Christmas morning

2010-12-26T17:02:00.000-08:00

♥ Gleðilig jól! Merry christmas! ♥

2010-12-24T10:14:00.001-08:00

untied, originally uploaded by most excellent and fabulous mela.de.gypsie.

I lived here once.

2010-12-11T16:44:00.001-08:00

Recently...

2010-12-10T22:21:00.000-08:00

Its been a while.

I've been working. Tired. Focusing on the babies and Simon. Oh and a bug or two.

Here are some pictures from the last few weeks.

Evie had her first cold the other night. Taking the kids to storytimes etc at the library is like taking them to visit a germ factory. She was all congested and grizzly and would only sleep if she was upright on me. so I took one for the team and sat up all night with her snoring into my chest. It was kind of nice and horrid all mixed together.
Simon relieved me at 5am and I got a couple of hours in before ZJ got up and switched on noisy toddler mode.

Zander's curls just slay me sometimes.
Also his inability to go to bed at night was slaying me. He decided that going to sleep was for losers and after spending two nights of going in there every five minutes and remaking his bed as well as locating his dummy we decided to just go hard-ass. He was so not impressed the first night we tried but eventually fell asleep around 10pm, the second night was less difficult and late and by the third night he was back to his old routine. Huzzah!

For the first time in 10 years we have a Christmas tree in the house. There never seemed much point when I was single (although a Christmas during my flatting years we turned the devil 3 pronged spike from a costume I had into a makeshift tree by wrapping it in tinsel and hung baubles on each of its spikes), and the [ex]hubby was not really into the whole thing. The first year I was with Simon I was heavily pregnant and just trying to survive the summer heat without either attacking people with Sporks or melting into a puddle of goo and last year Zander would of just destroyed a tree if we could afford to buy one - which we couldn't. We couldn't even afford gifts and we ended up wrapping up a couple of his toys just to give him something special to do on the day.

I gotta say, last night sitting with my beer in hand and the lights off except for the fairy lights on the tree made me feel so in the christmasy mood. I'm excited to make our on traditions with our kids and share enjoy a nice warm summer.

2010-11-23T10:00:00.000-08:00

Last night I got woken up at 12:43, 1:35, 2:10, 3 something (this time i told Simon he needed to get up and deal with his children (!!!?$#@$%$&^%$##@*^$#!!), which he did, and then went back to sleep in seconds (bastard). 4:20ish and 5:30ish.

but last night, like every night, reaffirms why I do all of this.

Its simple, its that feeling I get when i tuck them in at night before I go to sleep myself. I go into ZJs room and plug the baby monitor in (checking no less than 3 times its plugged in properly and wont arc causing a fire (seriously)) then i reset him because he usually has a limb through a slat in the crib. He will then bunch up into a little ball with his bum in the air and I realise instantly how much he has grown that day. His curls are almost always sticky with something as i lean over and kiss him on his head. Then I go back to our room and gaze at Evie while she lays there with her arms up above her head, totally and utterly peaceful.

My babies, they are so beautiful.

Monday musings

2010-11-21T18:02:00.000-08:00

Loved How I Met Your Mother this week. Especially this:
Barney: "He has got to go, you need to be like you are the weakest link goodbye! Punchy, the tribe has spoken. Please pack up your knives and go. Your work of art, didn't work for me. You're times up. I have to ask you to leave the mansion. You must leave the chateau. Your tour ends here. You've been chopped! You've been evicted from the Big Brother house. Your desert just didn't measure up. Sashay away! Give me your jacket and leave Hell's kitchen! You did not get a rose. You have been eliminated from the race. You are no longer in the running to be America's Next Top Model. You're fired. Auf Wiedersehen."
I'm still get upset about washing spiders down the plug hole in the shower. Even massive omfg-what-did-you-eat-to-get-so-big!? spiders. Even though its mostly always an accident because I can't bear to physically do it. I remember reading a book somewhere that was talking about depression and how this chick's mother cried at everything, even news stories on tv and washing spiders down plugholes and thats how she knew there was something wrong with her. Does that mean I've been depressed all my life or can I gauge one's manic depressiveness on just how much one cries as a spider goes down the hole?
So, ZJ tried to burn the house down the other day. He managed to somehow reach his lamp and pull its head/bulb bit into the cot through the slats (its really narrow and its halogen so little tiny bulb) to rest on his mattress...and he turned it on and left it. Simon reckons it was about 3 seconds from bursting into flames by the time ZJ woke up and made enough noise for Simon to hear and go get him from his nap. There is now a huge burn mark on said mattress and everything that could possibly even remotely warm up has been unplugged and stored behind doors he cant open.
I just realised my son is two in just over 2 months. This scares me.

one year ago today

2010-11-16T07:30:00.000-08:00

I cant believe how much he has grown and changed. It seems such a long time ago some days and then you realise just how many milestones there have been in that time and really, it wasn't that long ago at all.

Crisp morning sunrises

2010-11-15T07:00:00.000-08:00

Oh, that light.

♥ list

2010-11-14T13:03:00.000-08:00

Pretty Dragonfly mobile by KismetSunday on Etsy.

No idea where this comes from (possibly here?), but how cool is this book wall?!

Pretty cool self portrait series by Heidi Lender.

Love this singlet by Mr Vintage.

Loving this button necklace!

And while we are talking about them.. I love buttons! Especially in Jars!

Zombie Mamas

2010-11-14T12:34:00.000-08:00

Guys... Guys!

I could seriously play a Zombie in a movie right now, they would only need to drench me in fake blood and I would seriously be ready for the role. I could be all like 'Grrr!Aaargghh!Raaahh!' with my hands out in front of me because that's basically how I am in real life anyway. I'm sure I have started communicating in grunts. And I'm a grump. OH MY GOD am I a grump. I could probably rip brains out easy as. I feel sorry for Simon. But even as I say that I'm resenting him and his man ears that manage to sleep through the babies tag teaming each other with their restless nights of sleep. And resentful of the fact he can stay up until god knows when playing Warcraft and still seem good to go in the mornings.

Sleep deprivation and me just don't go together good. We don't gel yo. I don't know how all y'all with babies who are not sleeping through at 21 months still manage to be such good mamas or, lets me honest, are even still alive because I would of downed a quart of vodka and some pills long ago if that was me.

YOU SHOULD SEE MY EYES. Every morning in the shower I have to scrub my mascara off my entire face with a facecloth because I've been too freaking tired at night to do it and its managed to go everywhere in the 8 hours I'm tossing and turning. There are also black lines all over my pillow and I really don't even care enough to wash it.

I could cope ok I reckon, if i didn't actually have to think during the day. Or be on my feet all day running back and forth and dealing with customers who think its a travesty that they have a 20 cent fine on their cards. (Sidenote: its weird how the dude with 20 cent fines are all like 'blahblahblah I'm not paying! you are ripping me off!!' and the ones with $20 fines are all like 'no worries, yo. Can I pay via visa?').
Also those of you who think librarians actually just sit and read all day are nutters. I have never been so rushed off my feet as I am at the library.

At work when I've had like 3 cups of Miloffees to fuel me they are all like 'how do you do it?!' and 'you seem so perky' and I'm like 'its the caffeine' and they praise me for being such a good mama and everything and I'm like 'I want to die. No really. because then I might rest.'

But then I get home. And I greet my baby girl and she gives me this huge wide grin that is exactly shaped like this --> :D, And ZJ runs over and hugs my legs and chatters away at me and Simon gives me a kiss on the forehead. I realise its all really really worth it and I probably wouldn't change a thing*.

*Well, unless obviously I had enough money to never work unless I wanted to and all that jazz :P

My Guy

2010-11-09T09:21:00.000-08:00

He is so beautiful. Even when whiny.

Work the camera Baby!

2010-11-08T19:52:00.000-08:00

monday musings

2010-11-08T09:35:00.000-08:00

01: I am so obviously grown out of the Glassons clothing stage. Nothing fits. Its like it was all designed for skinny wee beanpoles that have no hips or stomachs. Even the stuff which is meant to be 'loose fitting' or whatever are icky.

02: Pet Hate: I hate hate hate people that correct spelling or grammar in books. Like Seriously hate.

The only people I hate more is those that put in long winded comments in PEN in the footers about how the information is wrong. Get a life. (Psst! The picture is from the book is Lipstick Jihad btw).

03: My favourite words ever are 'nostalgia', 'noir' and 'oubliette'.

04: After looking at my last love list...I may, in fact, be a closet goth. Troy has said it for years.

05: I'm getting super excited about Christmas this year. ZJ will almost be old enough to hype up about it and I'm really looking forward ot buying presents. Its been years since I've felt this way. Ontop of that I'm really looking forward to the warmer weather that comes with it.

Recently...

2010-11-07T10:08:00.000-08:00

You have to read this post here, to understand why this moment is so special.

Evie helping me spend the last few days before work as happy ones.

The Sickness set in.

Apparently before these pics he had fallen asleep on his little blue chair while attempting breakfast.

Evie, her daddio and uncle Ju

Locket love!

2010-11-06T18:10:00.000-07:00

I finally got one!
And now I get to wear my babies around my neck all day at work :)

also I love how everyone is like 'wow...is it a antique or heirloom or something?!' and I say 'nah, it was $15 bucks from Bling in Sylvia Park'.

♥ list

2010-11-06T16:57:00.000-07:00

This is late, I know.. Its being a crazy shit (no pun intended) week in our house. Not only have I started back at work which has been zomgtiring, but all the boys came down with gastro to varying degrees. Fun! It was left to Evie and I to hold up the fort, but lets face it, a 3 month old is no help except for occasionally throwing out a smile/giggle to cheer us up. ZJ was hit the worst and I have never seen him so quiet and still....it was really unsettling and horrible to see him so unwell.

Its the weekend now though.. and we all seem to be recovering from the week with a little R&R. Hope your weekends are going well!

Love this awesome sign by Signsofvintage on Etsy.

Conviction by Katie West.

This is a cute idea! Your child's artwork on a keyring. By Surfing Silver on Etsy.

Neat print I stumbled across. Girl with Umbrella by
Eddie Bryan Photo.

Cute wee book necklace by Anticovalore.

There is something just truly awesome
about this Skeleton Cameo Necklace

I chopped off the locks!

2010-10-31T19:49:00.000-07:00

My hair was a third down my back.. but no more!

Also, it appears I cannot take a picture of myself anymore without looking like a total douche.

Party time

2010-10-30T20:41:00.000-07:00

We hit up Amelia's 4th birthday party yesterday and I spent a good chunk of it snapping cute little faces on the camera.

The more pictures I take of kiddies, the more i want to do it as a job.

30 days of photos - Day 29: Pride

2010-10-30T00:07:00.000-07:00

When I look at him sometimes my breathe catches in my chest. I just can't believe that I made this gorgeous creature.

30 days of photos - Day 28: Family

2010-10-30T00:00:00.000-07:00

The other day Simon and I spent ...far too long.. trying to get Zander and Evie in the same picture so we could get a print done for his Mum.

Yeah, The only pictures we got were either screaming babies or Zander making a grab for the camera while Evie puked.

Yay!

I kinda do love this picture though!!

30 days of photos - Day 27: My favourite colour

2010-10-29T23:54:00.000-07:00

Good god I'm behind on posting. I have 4 days worth of the photo project to upload, a word or two about my new website layout (what do you think??) and photography pricing, pics form today's party not to mention the oodles of flower porn i took over LAST weekend AND the family get together I was at. Sheesh. I'm pretty sure there is also something else which I've since forgotten about.

Anyway here is day 27, my faovurite colour.

Seriously, i wracked my brains for hours trying to decide what colour was my favourite, but it really changes on a daily basis. I like pink ALOT (funny, i used to hate it as a little girl), and kermit green is a go to favourite colour i guess. But i really love a sunny yellow or ..i absolutely LOVE blood red...

So, I took a photo of Horatio, the rainbow sock monster that guards Evie's cot at night.

♥ list

2010-10-28T14:02:00.000-07:00

I seriously cannot get over this image by Heather Evans Smith.

Go fan her on facebook, like right now!

OMG what awesomely pretty pumpkins! Good old Martha.

Love this image too! Beautiful Lucy being a water nymph.

Curious about this Absinthe lip balm
from ForStrangeWomen on Etsy.

Need something to protect our ipod touch,
like this pretty cool ipod/phone/wallet case yoke from Kapomcrafts.

Love this 'Sadie avocado green headband' by Paisleelane.

Like the idea of this Wrap Dress that you can do multiple ways.
Awesome for summer!

♥ this shirt! 'Reach for the stars' on Threadless.com.
Incidentally it is inspired by the same quote that is tattooed down my spine.

30 days of photos - Day 26: Something forever

2010-10-25T19:08:00.000-07:00

Motherhood is forever. No matter whether your babes are small or grown, you are forever altered.

Celtic knot for motherhood.
Oh.. and its not a real tattoo... yet?

30 days of photos - Day 25: A goal for the future

2010-10-25T18:41:00.000-07:00

Not exactly money, but having our debt paid off and feeling financially secure. It would mean a lot to me.

30 days of photos - Day 23: Patterns & Day 24: Envious

2010-10-24T14:29:00.000-07:00

Holy crap I have a backload of photos from the weekend! It was a really nice one with lots of family and warm weather.

So without further ado...
Day 23 was patterns and I broke out the skirt!
Yay for warm weather and double yay for warm weather being on a long weekend!!!

Day 24 was all about Envy. Honestly I was going to put one of the pictures of Simon and his brothers here as I love how close his family is...but then I caught this picture of Zander playing and running around after the most hideous night of sleep for us all and I was struck with envy. Totally and utterly envious of his energy!

30 days of photos - Day 22: Something on your body

2010-10-24T14:19:00.000-07:00

Non est ad astra mollis e terris via

30 days of photos - Day 21: A memory

2010-10-24T13:18:00.000-07:00

30 days of photos - Day 20: Friendship

2010-10-24T13:15:00.000-07:00

Its probably safe to say these are two of my oldest friends - Zoe and Daniel - on their wedding day.

We all met in the internet, I met Zoe first and we started talking to a bunch of geeky guys in Auckland that I could also safely say changed both of our lives dramatically. They were the reason i moved up here to begin with. Zoe and I met Daniel through them, Daniel and Zoe fell in love and Daniel introduced me to Aaron who would later become my husband [...and soon to be ex husband, but still a great friend].

Like Simon and I it took YEARS for Zoe and Daniel to finally get together, but once they did, that was it. They just a beautiful baby girl and their futures are looking bright.

<3

♥ list

2010-10-21T23:54:00.000-07:00

So the man, kids and I are chilling in the Rotovegus this weekend. Its Simon's mum's birthday this weekend so we thought we would break all our well established routines and travel 3 hours so we can leave the kids having cuddles with family and down a few drinks

;)

Anyway the point of the story is that im behind with posting my 30 days of photos and I cant do it from down here. Instead I bring you a very purle inspired ♥ list to drool over :)

Happy weekend everyone!

Love this super hero wedding party. Found on Being a Geek on Facebook.

Illumination by Olde_Scratch.

Deep purple canvas bag by Tippythai on Etsy.

This would make an awesome print on the wall.

A zomg awesome camera strap!

This 'NOM! Take out cup cozy' is just so cute!

Cute kids hat found here on Etsy.

The Eclair, 10 weeks old

2010-10-19T17:22:00.000-07:00

Sometimes my heart gets so full of love looking at my kids that I feel like I'm about to explode. Seriously, all cheesiness aside - full on exploding brains and body matter across the walls.

So freaking cute!

30 days of photos - Day 19: Light

2010-10-18T12:35:00.000-07:00

I'm a morning person. I usually wake up and my brain is firing and ready to go. One of my most favourtie things to do is walk through the house as its quite, opening up curtains and letting the sunrise come through the windows. I love sunny mornings and the way it peeks through the trees around the deck.

I'm loving that its getting warmer and although the mornings are still quite crisp, you can feel the warmth of the sun as its coming up.

30 days of photos - Day 18: An object I love

2010-10-18T00:49:00.000-07:00

Any guesses as to what that is? :)

30 days of photos - Day 17: Darkness or shadows

2010-10-17T13:38:00.000-07:00

I love the light peeking in throw my curtains each morning.

Today...

2010-10-16T00:38:00.000-07:00

ZJ and I killed some time in the garden.

30 days of photos - Day 16: Lyrics

2010-10-16T00:17:00.000-07:00

I was going to do a new self portrait for this but I decided against it. Why? Because every song I have been listening too lately and have stuck in my head are mellow kinda depressing ones. Mostly because I find crooning songs better to edit photos too (seriously, do you edit photos to a certain flavour of music?? I cant do really upbeat stuff while post processing).

I can honestly say that nearly every single self portrait i have done in the past has been either named with lyrics or inspired by lyrics so i decided to pick an old one.. but it was hard to do!

I was trolling through them all tonight searching for one for this project and got stuck instead strolling down memory lane. Then I came across this one, and laughed my ass off.

Back story to this? Aaron and I had only just broken up. I was home alone as Dave was out shagging his then psychopathic girlfriend (not the lovely one hes managed to snag now) and I was in a slump. Dude I was so freaking depressed and I just needed to have some fun so I created the series of pictures (where this one is from) called 'When the flatmate is away..' and went a bit nuts with the music up loud and rocking my fishnets.

The music i was listening to? Seven by Vagiant. I was introduced the song by Jade in New Orleans and whenever I hear it i always end up jumping about and imagine us playing Rockband in our jammies drinking rum and being dorks. I remember the way she sang it. It was one of the first times I had actually heard her sing and she, seriously, can SING. Te song reminds me of how close Dave and I used to be, and how i thought I would seriously have to beat up his psychopathic girlfriend.

The song makes me happy and this picture makes me laugh my arse off. I really am a dick.

(oh and i miss my body! I thought i was hideously fat, waaah!!)

♥ list

2010-10-14T13:46:00.000-07:00

There is a house in New Orleans which captured my heart. Its broken and scarred deeply by a fire but when I see it, I see it in all its glory.
There is one room especially which just took my breath away. The walls were completely black from the fire but the light and ...atmosphere just captured me.

This love list is inspired by that room and that house.

Love the black walls in these two bedrooms.

I would love to have a black feature wall in ym bedroom.

Images via Alkemie.

Ornate Oval Vintage Frame found on etsy.

Oh, and some more :) Black frames on a white wall?

Want want want want this 'French Quarter Boho
Jute Market Messenger Bag' by Bayousalvage,
but kinda digging the door its hanging on too!

Love this Garden Gate pillow by Nestahome. You know, for a bit of colour :)

Back chandelier, found here.

Pretty screen. Photo by Colemama.

Wood shelf hooks by OldNewAgain

Catchup of days

2010-10-14T13:37:00.000-07:00

Yeah so, I got behind. I'm gonna go ahead and blame the monstrous toothache I have as the culprit. I just barely want to be alive right now its so bad. Considering blowing some money on a dentist visit but i would feel so guilty about it. Its like food and power or my teeth??

Anyway, I present to you, Day thirteen - Sadness.

Yeah. Self explanatory. I'm not sure these make me sad.. or at least only sad. There are so many emotions mixed up with my wedding rings like utter joy, nostalgia and heartache. But the one thing that does make me sad I don't have a recent picture of. He would be 23 now. I wonder what he would be doing and where he would be.

Also Day Fourteen - A present

A present I keep meaning to send off to my new honorary niece Abbigail :)

And... Day Thirteen - On my fridge.

A picture of Zeej just learning to walk, my ultrasound pic with Evie - shes about 9 weeks in utero there.... And a shit ton of magnets.

30 days of photos - Day 12: Passed down

2010-10-11T15:26:00.000-07:00

This was my great grandmother's ring and now I wear it as my engagement ring. I don't know how it came into my father's possession, I assume my grandmother got it first and gave it to my father. Perhaps he got it when his grandmother died - I'm not sure, I should probably ask at some point. It was given to my mother many years ago and I have always loved it. Again I'm not sure why as its not really something I would usually like - I'm more of a silver and small stone girl than gold and ornate. A few months before Simon and I got engaged I had this weird dream about it, someone was telling me it was important and that I had to find it and that eventually I would wear it on m ring finger and that Simon was involved somehow. It had been lost for some time, I always knew it was in a 'safe place' I just wasn't sure where that safe place even was.. but this dream made me look for it with a sense of urgency. I looked EVERYWHERE and couldn't find it and it really bugged me - I thought about it for days/weeks. The next time I dreamed about it I saw it tucked in somewhere small and surrounded by a light blue green colour... Yay for my subconscious! It was in a tiny pocket of a little green/blue clutch handbag I had stuffed in the wardrobe!

On my birthday last year Simon proposed with it and now its worn on my ring finger.

Leaf confetti

2010-10-11T12:18:00.000-07:00

30 days of photos - Day 11: A ritual or habit

2010-10-10T18:06:00.000-07:00

I guess really that this is neither a ritual or habit. Its the water i washed the baby bottles in. The reason i felt it fit was becuase our mornings feel like such a routined habit and this is a part of it.

Plus, I noticed how surprisingly pretty the lacy tendrils of soap bubbles on the surface were.

30 days of photos - Day 10: Textured

2010-10-10T18:04:00.001-07:00

Warm baby blanket textures...

Evie, predictions point to being a flamenco dancer

2010-10-09T12:47:00.000-07:00

Two things about this:
1. Shes looks like a chunky as monkey.
2. When I see this picture I think of my dad. I'm not sure if its because she looks like my dad or because I think she kinda looks like me here and I looked like my dad.

Spring fling

2010-10-08T23:13:00.000-07:00

I'm so loving the warmer weather!(And my wallet is too now that we don't need heaters :P)

30 days of photos - Day 9: Someone I love

2010-10-08T16:54:00.000-07:00

I'm lucky because this one was an easy one. The last few years I have been lucky enough to be surrounded by people I love. Instead of going the real easy route and snapping Simon, Zander or Evie, I thought I would share an older picture of another love - My best friend Zoe.

Unfortunately we live at opposite ends of the country but it is a very odd day if went don't speak at least once via gmail.

Zoe is just awesomeness incarnate, shes fun, shes incredibly smart and once another friend of mine said that when he takes over the world he would put Zoe in charge of 'Getting Shit Done'.

This week, she added to her achievements by becoming a mama and in typical Zoe fashion managed to make it sound pretty easy in the process as well. I'm so proud of her and I'm so so excited for her and Daniel and the journey they have just embarked on. I know she will be an excellent mother... it breaks my heart not being close to her to see her in action.

Another sneak peak!

2010-10-08T13:05:00.000-07:00

I got to photograph so beautiful babies yesterday! Here is a sneak peak of identical twins Tom & Harry...

And you might remember Tom & Harry's big sister Lucy, who was a brillant supporting star in her mama's maternity shoot a while back.

Absolutely loved photographing these people, they were all so lovely. Its days like that which make me wish I could do this as a full time gig. Maybe one day eh?

30 days of photos - Day 8: Scarred

2010-10-08T11:36:00.000-07:00

An old one. no point reinventing the wheel here.
Having babies destroyed by body, but made me.

Last call!!

2010-10-08T01:01:00.000-07:00

I'm going back to work in November, so its last call for these crazy specials.

So if you have been thinking about getting some shots done, or know someone who is - now is the time to get booked!

And hey.. while we are here, wanna give me some Facebook lovin?

♥ list

2010-10-07T12:08:00.000-07:00

Guys wearing babies are hot. seriously.

Mini books by Jelens from her Diary of a Book Lover Series.

Mini Calendar - Camera Love, available on Etsy.

Cute little hedgehog purse by The Dainty Squid.

A bit of new hair do inspiration. I really want to colour my hair something insane again...
but I can't afford to get a hairdresser to bleach my hair :P
Anyone want to sponsor me? I will dye it bright pink for BCA month ;)

I really love these frames.

30 days of photos - Day 7: Capture the season

2010-10-06T22:21:00.000-07:00

Spring!!

30 days of photos - Day 6: Inspired by a poem

2010-10-06T00:30:00.000-07:00

I cheated today... its not really a poem. Allt he poems i know are kinda sad or deep and I'm not particularly feeling in a sad or deep mood.

I love this story by Dr Suess and I think about it every time i put ZJ's shoes on. I wanted to get a pic of him in his shoes but he left early today to go adventuring at the zoo (Thanks Jody!) and is finishing off his trip by staying over at his aunt and uncles tonight (Thanks again guys!) so it was a no go for today.

Anyway, without further ado..

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!

by the incomparable Dr. Seuss

Congratulations!

Today is your day.

You’re off to Great Places!

You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself any direction you choose.

You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.