Fail day

Yesterday was just a bunch of fail.

We had the 20 weeks ultrasound in the morning and man was this baby not cooperating. Again. I don't know if i have moaned about it here but every time I go to the midwife or doctor or whatever this kid is playing games. I don't know how he/she does it but no matter what they cannot pick up a heartbeat.

The first time it happened I was 12 weeks pregnant and so borderline on hearing the heartbeat with the doppler anyway, but internally my brain was saying 'she should be picking it up, they picked it up in seconds at 10 weeks with ZJ!@#!' and freaking out. The day after that I was having my NT scan so after 10 minutes of trying to get this heartbeat picked up, my midwife said she would catch up with me after the scan and gave me the 'hopefully everything was still alright with the baby'... blah blah blah talk, and how they 'hope there is still a viable fetus but to be prepared for there not being one' blah blah blah.
It was a horrid 24 hour wait for that ultrasound and I tell you, when the sonographer put the do-dacky on my belly and straight away we saw that little flickering heart I almost fainted with relief.

I also realised something I had been feeling in my bones anyway, (and i fully believe 'mother bones' feelings exist :P) that this one was stubborn [like her/his mama] and also ....a bit playful.
This one was going to be trouble?

I blame ZJ, he lulled us into a false sense of security with his zero issues, his love of routines, great health and the fact he was sleeping through the night at 3 months. This one? She/he is going to undo all of that, I can feel it.

The next appointment I had with the midwife the same thing basically happened, but becuase i was at the huge clinic she called in a sonographer with a mobile unit to take a check and put my mind at ease. By this stage i had started feeling the baby (although no medical professionals would believe me :P) and i *knew* in my heart that everything was ok, but even when the sonographer picked up the baby straight away and saw that little heart beating, figured out its exact location, the doppler STILL wouldnt pick up the heart beat.

At that point I gave up at ever hearing it and I think from now on i will say no if they ask if i want to hear it with the doppler :P

Yesterdays scan followed the same pattern. Baby was first laying in the worst position possible for getting all the data they wanted. I was made to go to the loo (a bladder of pee i had saved up just for the midwife tests <3) and that made things a little easier but baby kept hiding under my belly button. After 45 minutes of hard pushing on my belly (which was painful and i feel bruised today!) the guy gave up and went and got another lady to help, she was much gentler thankfully but she was having just as much trouble and when they came to look at the sex, baby had clamed her/his legs together so tightly it was impossible to tell. Oh and then her/him decided to STAY PUT like that.
The sonographer was hesitant to tell us what she thought the sex was, becuase she couldnt get a good look, but after i said 'well his family only has boys if that makes it easier' she said 'oh i was going to say girl, i saw no dangly bits'.

So we are no closer to knowing what the sex is and this rubs me up the wrong way like you wouldn't believe. Finding out this information was the only reason I wanted to have the scan. I hate surprises and it bugs me not knowing so bad.

With ZJ we knew he was a he and we could name him and when I lovingly patted my belly I referred to it as 'him' and we called him his name. 
I felt prepared! Now? Not so much.I know how i feel is ridiculous and either way, from all accounts, I'm having a healthy baby... but damn it bugs me! I sulked about it all day and to be honest I'm still sulking!

I guess we will just refer to the bump as Mystery Meat from now on,  or MM for short. Sigh.

Anyone else out there desperately wanted to find out the sex and couldn't?