I was at a crossroads when ZJ was conceived. My marriage had just ended, I was seeing my childhood sweetheart, albeit not very often as he lived in another city and our relationship despite knowing each other intimately since we were 13, was 'new'.
Really, life could of gone many ways at this point. I might of moved cities to be with Simon instead of him moving here. Maybe got a different job. We might of never got there without that push. Hell, I might of even gotten back together with Aaron, or moved to New Orleans ..as unlikely as those options may of been.
Getting pregnant though, was not on the list. Not that I didn't want children, I desperately wanted children, but I honestly didn't think it would be on the cards for some time - mostly because i always assumed it would take either a crap load of fertility treatment (a path I didn't want to tread) or adopt (which of course meant a more stable home & life). After 7 years worth of gynecologists and endocrinologists, your everyday GP or three, and more tests than you can shake a stick at all pointedly telling me that under no uncertain terms will I conceive naturally, I had gone ahead and believed that. Even when i went to my GP and told him my suspiscions he looked at me like i was on some strange drug induced trip and said 'I doubt that very much...but we will do a test' (which, by the way, was negative :P I didn't get a positive until two days later).
Getting pregnant - It threw me for six. I didn't really even believe it until the 7th month or so and I would wake up almost everyday and look down at this growing belly in the shower and have a panic attack and wonder how the hell I got there.
So ZJ and his arrival, he changed me for life. Seeing his little face and touching his tiny fingers as he punched his fists into the air, that changed me for life.
He altered my path dramatically.
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