Beautiful girl

She always catches me with one of her big smiles at just the right time.

Yesterday this beautiful loved up couple came into the library, looking fresh yet like they just rolled out of bed after having sex all day. They had that look about them.. you know? Like they had just gotten dressed so they can get some coffee and supplies and had nothing planned except perhaps watching a movie or two, reading a bit before having an uninterrupted meal and going to bed again.
'You want a dvd or something to read baby?' he had said as he passed the desk. They wandered around the library, hand in hand, pointing out books on crafting and the new best sellers. 'I hate you' I grumbled under my breath.

I never get to read, and if I do its usually when i should be doing something else and I'm racked with guilt. I never get to stroll through anywhere hand in hand with my love, since one of us is generally chasing after a toddler dead set on destruction and the other is holding a baby who probably just puked all over her self.

I was thinking about those two this morning, mumbling to myself as I rolled out of bed at 6am for the 8th time since going to 'sleep' (ha!) at 11pm the night before. Evie had thought 10pm was a good time to play and be AWAKE! ...and also 1am, 2:30ish am, between 4-5am and now at 6am she was back at it, squee-ing and bouncing around in her cot. 6am, by all means was a sleep in for us, but I could help but think those two arty gorgeous creatures who didn't look tired AT ALL were probably cuddled up happily in slumber-land.

But then she smiled up at me as I look down into her cot, shes always such a happy baby and always in a good mood. It contagious, it makes everything ok again.

I think about when I feed her a bottle, its so special considering I hardly get a chance to do it. I love the night time bottle the most when I can hear the chaos outside and ZJ banging some toy against the coffee table. But we are sitting in the dark and cool. I have her in my arms and she looks up at me and catches me looking, she will smile and her eyes do this light up thing which makes my heart skip. Her little tiny fingers will curl around my finger and everything seems right, and in its place and that the 5am wakeup calls, the misery of working my arse off... its all worth it.

One of her smiles fixes everything.