Why am i here?

So, a question.

Why the hell am I here??

When I first started blogging it was back in something like 2005 or 6 and it was more of a diary, a way of getting crap out of my head. I had a lot of crap. I cringe looking back.

When I moved to blogger I was really getting into photography and it was a great way of sharing and promoting that. But now I don't really have time to even pick up the camera, let alone have anything to promote. I've decided to give up the paid photography thing. I don't feel I have the talent, nor the freedom to really go for it big time. And realistically it needs to be big time for us to survive - hence the lack of freedom. I'm the breadwinner.

When I became a parent I talked about parenting a lot. especially formula. But I have all but given up on that campaign. I've been humiliated, bullied and made to feel not up to par. And honestly? I don't think that is going to change. not in the time that my babies are on it anyway. I'm a sub standard mama, I've just gotten over it.

Then there is the crafty stuff. I love making stuff, seeing pretty things, posting pretty things. The blog turned into a bit of a scrapbook with me going magpie and pinching stuff from all over the place. But I really don't have time to surf the internet anymore. I wake up at 5-5:30 to Evie, jump in the shower before she hits full screech mode, get her dressed and creamed up which can take a while since we have to really cream her up - her eczema is nutty (probably also to blame on my sub standard parenting and use of formula). I start feeding her while Simon showers. Sometime i try to surf the next at this time with her propped on a pillow. But I kinda hate it. Being the working parent its often the only time i feed her during the day and my heart needs to watch her. I leave for work around 7:30 after getting ZJ up and fed. No time there. Home after 5 sometime, putting Evie down, dinner and ZJ's bedtime ensues. I can't often get away with being on here while Evie is down because shes an even lighter sleeper than i am.

I want to craft. I do. But unlike many of the people whose blogs I follow, I'm not a stay at home parent with naps to work through or running my own creative business, so I just don't have the time. Then I find when I do have the time I end up running around like a chook with its head chopped off because there is SO MUCH TO ACHIEVE in that short space of child sleeping bliss (especially with two, if they manage to nap simultaneously I'm just turning religious and thankful.

So why the hell am I here? What do i have to offer the lovely people that clicked 'follow'? Nada.
Is it time to turn in the blogging hat?

Anyway, in the meantime, im going to go ahead and leave you with Week 2s nail polish colour...because its awesome.