♥ list

Love this chiffon gown by TingBridal.

I can't get over Heather Evans Smith's photography. Love love love!.


My new bag. This was my christmas present from Simon.
Its not just the bag that I absolutely adore, but the day when we got it. ♥

This is cute, Poem stiching cushion by Mybeardedpigeon.

Lovely purse by Redrubyrose on Etsy.

Memories of childhood summers at my grandparents bach.

Originally uploaded by the talented Philternz on Flickr.

Why am i here?

So, a question.

Why the hell am I here??

When I first started blogging it was back in something like 2005 or 6 and it was more of a diary, a way of getting crap out of my head. I had a lot of crap. I cringe looking back.

When I moved to blogger I was really getting into photography and it was a great way of sharing and promoting that. But now I don't really have time to even pick up the camera, let alone have anything to promote. I've decided to give up the paid photography thing. I don't feel I have the talent, nor the freedom to really go for it big time. And realistically it needs to be big time for us to survive - hence the lack of freedom. I'm the breadwinner.

When I became a parent I talked about parenting a lot. especially formula. But I have all but given up on that campaign. I've been humiliated, bullied and made to feel not up to par. And honestly? I don't think that is going to change. not in the time that my babies are on it anyway. I'm a sub standard mama, I've just gotten over it.

Then there is the crafty stuff. I love making stuff, seeing pretty things, posting pretty things. The blog turned into a bit of a scrapbook with me going magpie and pinching stuff from all over the place. But I really don't have time to surf the internet anymore. I wake up at 5-5:30 to Evie, jump in the shower before she hits full screech mode, get her dressed and creamed up which can take a while since we have to really cream her up - her eczema is nutty (probably also to blame on my sub standard parenting and use of formula). I start feeding her while Simon showers. Sometime i try to surf the next at this time with her propped on a pillow. But I kinda hate it. Being the working parent its often the only time i feed her during the day and my heart needs to watch her. I leave for work around 7:30 after getting ZJ up and fed. No time there. Home after 5 sometime, putting Evie down, dinner and ZJ's bedtime ensues. I can't often get away with being on here while Evie is down because shes an even lighter sleeper than i am.

I want to craft. I do. But unlike many of the people whose blogs I follow, I'm not a stay at home parent with naps to work through or running my own creative business, so I just don't have the time. Then I find when I do have the time I end up running around like a chook with its head chopped off because there is SO MUCH TO ACHIEVE in that short space of child sleeping bliss (especially with two, if they manage to nap simultaneously I'm just turning religious and thankful.

So why the hell am I here? What do i have to offer the lovely people that clicked 'follow'? Nada.
Is it time to turn in the blogging hat?

Anyway, in the meantime, im going to go ahead and leave you with Week 2s nail polish colour...because its awesome.

The happy mistake

I love the light in our bedroom in the mornings.

The nailpolish thing.

This was week one, I will show you what I'm wearing this week tomorrow.



Kermit green like :D But actually called BYS 'Potluck'.

I'm not a pro in nail polish but this stuff went on easy as and it STAYED ON. Even with all the banging of nails and shit my hands go through in a day. 4/5 stars for sure.

I'm loving this stupid little project. Its kind of rebellious wearing this stuff at work... like my pink hair was, but on a smaller more subtle level ;)

At the park

Zander was in one of his screamy monster moods, so I took him for one on one time at the park. We played 'lets try and do self potraits while balancing the camera on some dirt' and then had a go on the seesaw and slide. He crawled through a tunnel and attempted to climb up the jungle gym.

Sometimes I look at him and my heart almost explodes. I made him. How could I make something so beautiful, something so worth every bit of stress and happiness i can muster up?

What is that quote about when you have children you heart is permanently on the outside? Thats me these days.

Spotted through the rails

Sunrise, sunrise

Looks like mornin' in your eyes

♥ list

'Like in a cool pool'. Originally uploaded by Mela.de.gypsie

Originally uploaded by ♥gartersnlace♥

Remembering book necklace by Anticovalore.

Originally uploaded by Jamie Carter.

 Thin custom worded posy rings. So cute. By Kathryn Riechert on etsy.

Brown n blue journal by jenni4k on Etsy.

01: Set aside at least one hour a day to doing stuff that is just for me.

02: Wear nail polish. Let the inner funk come out. One colour for every week?

03: Start a routine at night in which I remove markup from eyes so it wont end up on pillows (!!!).

04: Stop caring if they look, and what they think.

05: Journal. Write, Draw, doodle, colour, collect + stick for every day this year.

06: Take more pictures.

07: Make a decision. Plan for the future.

08: Pay off some debt.

09: Be more crafty. Sew, create, play.

10: Get off ass and convince [ex]hubby to get off his ass and get divorced.

11: Plan a wedding :D

2010, a recap.

2010 has been a big one.
I celebrated the first birthday of my first child, saw him take his first steps and develop into a fabulous little boy with uber personality. I gave birth to my second child, a beautiful little girl who smiles at every chance she gets. I will always remember my first snuggles with her - the days i spent in hospital where she lived in my bed whenever a nurse wasn't looking and we would snooze and snuggle and wonder.

Theres been downs emotionally, loosing Simon's grandmother (who is ZJs namesake), his father and also my grandmother all in a matter of a month or two. 2010 saw the fifth anniversary of my nephew's (and ZJ's other namesake) death which was horrid and opened up emotions I had thought I had managed to tuck away. The bullying in hospital. Theres been lows financially too but I have no images to mark those and in 10 years time those nights I spent sobbing in the shower wondering how the hell am I going to continue feeding my family will all be a blur.

I would say I will remember 2010 as being hard, but also one of the best. I'm happier than I have ever been. I'm in love, I have beautiful children that amaze me every day and full my days with every emotion possible. I have fantastic friends who have my back completely and deserve a better friend than i make! I have my health (more or less, ha!) and we are going to be ok.