Confessions of a formula feeding mama

In my area of the world, and especially in the area of Auckland I work in, breast feeding is the norm and you are a bit of a social pariah if you don't do it. Which is a good thing really - it means I live in an environment that encourages the best way possible of feeding your child. Breast milk is the best sort of nutrition for your baby, its the perfect food and it does all sorts of wonderful stuff like adjust to the baby's needs and pass on antibodies to help fight of nasties, help fight crime and see in the dark.

Everyone around me breastfeeds, the women who come into my work all gather around in the children's area and feed their children. You see them on the Internet computers breastfeeding while catching up on emails. At the park, at the cafes down the road across from the beach (bit of a skite here, i really do work in such a beautiful area!) The women I work with told me their own breastfeeding stories. My family did it. The posters in all the doctors/midwives offices told of support lines, benefits and tips and tricks. Although there are formula ads on TV now and then, you only ever see them for the toddler milks, not for newborns etc.

People look down on people that don't breastfeed here. If you don't believe that, no offence but you are obviously a breast-feeder and never dealt with someone telling you over the counter at work how you are selfish, poisoning your child and ruining his life (yes - this has happened to me. Twice now).

So when i say i don't breastfeed and that I never once breastfed my child, don't think I made the decision lightly and do realise there must of been an important reason why I chose not to.

What I'm finding though as a formula feeding mum at just how little support there is for it. I know that all you breast feeding mums have said numerous times on all your blogs that you just need to google formula feeding and there are 49208342109 results. But seriously guys (and this may be just because I am a reference librarian and I'm trained to think this way) but at least 90% of what the Internet says is not true, come on. There is also things to take into consideration such as how old the information is and who it is giving the information.

How many blogs do you find about women who say 'yes i formula feed my child'. Hardly any. We don't have support groups or web rings or special banners on our blogs saying 'we are formula feeders! Lets unite!' Or at least if there any any they must be underground because for the life of me I can't seem to locate any and as previously mentioned, its my job to find things. There is a thick layer of guilt - no matter what the reasons for doing so - surrounding the formula feeding mother. Its like catholic guilt, it stays with you.

I can hear a chorus of 'well...breast feed then' raising round me right now. But sometimes you just can't, so don't start.

When i first decided to formula feed i had little support in choosing a type formula. Once you say you are going to formula feed its like everyone switches off and stops supporting you. I tried talking to my midwives and doctors and all i got was 'well a popular one is...' and that's it. Does popular actulally make it good? Or is it popular because i ton of uneducated mothers buy it? I had no idea what the difference, if any, there was between 'whey based' or 'cows milk based', what reflux stuff did or the pros and cons of iron fortified stuff and so on. Even when I HAD selected a formula when i went to their website to get more information all it said was 'breast is best - consult your doctor'. It was like going around in circles. You would think the formula company would give you solid information would you not?

It makes my heart heavy to read articles like this one, in which studies have shown more babies are dying because of lack of information to do with formula. Does this not show we are in desperate need of support?

At hospital (in which i had to stay for a number of days against my will thanks to my emergency C section, ergh) I was treated badly and bullied by the nurses to breastfeed almost everyday - even though I had instructions in my notes from doctors about formula) And then they kept trying to give ZJ less formula than he needed and as it was behind a locked door (not to mention i could hardly walk) I couldn't get to it myself. I was unable to have my own equipment or formula with me so they literally controlled everything. He would be crying in hunger, it was obvious that it was what he needed but they kept saying 'oh well he had 30ml 2 hours ago so he doesn't NEED more - the chart says so'. On the second to last day I was there my midwife found out that they were using a chart for babies using formula as a supplement. Ergh.

Luckily for me, after our lovely midwife broke us out of hospital early, and we were home, Zander took to our formula like a duck to water. He grew, he was full and he was happy. I made damn sure that each feed was a special bonding time for all of us, whether it was mum or dad feeding him. I would stare down into his huge eyes and smile, I would hold him against my bare skin to let him feel my warmth and smell my smell (this is pretty easy considering it was the hottest summer from hell ;)).

I was, and I am, lucky. He has been nothing but a dream to feed.... but there have definitely been times I could do with a little more understanding, a little more support. There needs to be less prejudice against those of us who do formulas feed. Contrary to popular belief - we aren't just a load of selfish cows who don't like our children.

There needs to be some sort of system where breastfeeding IS encouraged and supported in different ways (and honestly, i think our country, or at least my part of it, is pretty good on that level) but there also needs to be follow up for those who cannot or do not breast feed so that we can all raise our children to be happy and healthy little mites to the best of our abilities.

Is that really so much to ask for?