Being the secondary parent

When ZJ was first born and Simon went back to work, I was the primary caregiver - I knew everything that was going on with him. I would record all of the amounts of formula he was drinking in my diary, know exactly how long he had slept for, how many dirty nappies he had and when he did something new.

Just after ZJ turned 3 months old and my maternity payments dried up, Simon and I swapped places so that he became the primary caregiver and I went back to work. This decision was made for a few reasons - 1. I earned more. Alot more...enough to live off one income. 2. Simon hated his job whereas I loved mine, and 3. Because we wanted to have a stay at home parent instead of putting the babe in daycare, those other two reasons just fit together and made sense with this one.

It was bizarre at first. I was the baby expert. I did the research, knew what, where how and when with ZJ and had gotten him into a fantastic routine. Simon had always been a hands on dad - especially the first couple of weeks when i was recovering from my labour AND c section so he wasn't a complete noob, infact he was quite a natural at it, but I think swapping places was hard on us both to begin with.

I felt horridly guilty for going back to work so soon, even with Simon staying home. It didnt help that i was constantly bullied for that (and my non breastfeeding decision of course) by all the crunchy parents i have contact with during the day. It seems crunchy parenting is the new black and god forbid if you are not one of the crowd.

Self confidence wise it caught me off guard alot too. As the 'Mum' i feel its my duty to know every single detail if ZJ's day and i feel odd that I don't. I feel as the 'Mum' i should be the primary caregiver and be the expert on my child. So it feels bizarre when i say to Simon 'Should I put him down for a nap?', or 'Is it ok to feed him this now?' and 'what do you think I should do?'. It goes against all my instincts and feelings and i hated not being in control.

Then there is also the problem of lack of sleep for me. Just because Simon is the primary caregiver doesn't mean he has 'mommy ears'. If ZJ even makes a snuffle I am wide awake. It got better when he moved to his own room and when we put the baby monitor on a little quieter... but it can still cause problems.

Nowadays though, it all runs pretty smoothly. We have a good routine set and we stick too it. It makes us all happy and feel secure I think.
Simon is a fantastic stay at home dad and its obvious he loves it. He doesn't mind the lack of adult company - which is good considering there are not too many stay at home dad groups - infact i think he kind of thrives on it. He actually worried about me changing my mind and wanting to swap again I think. I thrive at work, I enjoy going every day, growing my career and doing something new. I enjoy the special time i get with my son when i get home and the last feed of the day (most of the time, when ZJ is cooperating :P) when i get to snuggle with him before he goes to sleep. On weekends we usually let each other have a sleep in day and it gives me time to spend with my son as well, or recoup from the business if its my turn.

I know it wouldn't of worked for us if I had continued to stay home or if we both worked full time (i think we would be far too exhausted to enjoy life) and I'm glad we broke out of the norms and did something a little different as the results have been so so worth it.