This is ZJ at 6 days old. I was just going through some of the pictures of him on Flickr and just reveling at how much he has grown and changed. I remember this tiny little newborn who barely moved limbs and now he is this full on mischievous noise making creature.
This photo means alot to me because this was the day i really started falling in love with him. I remember just sitting there watching him sleep and marveling at his tiny perfect hands and feet and those gorgeous eyelashes.
I'm guessing most people blame the fact I didn't breastfeed on the fact it took 6 whole days before I started truly falling in love with my child. But I don't. I blame the fact that I had a traumatic labour that ended in me out cold in an operating theatre unawares of them pulling a baby out of me. I blame it on the fact I couldn't even hold him until many hours after he was born, let alone skin to skin contact... and even when I did get to hold him I could only have 5 minutes before he had to go back into his wee incubator. My first sight of him was a polaroid picture of him wired up to many tubes and breathing equipment in a little clear plastic box.
Not that it really changed much in the end and i don't feel bad about how it happened. Sure, I didn't get that 'bam! I'm so in love' that most mothers get straight away but i sure as hell got it in the end.
And wow, how amazing it was...
As you might of figured out, we are expecting baby number two and I wonder how different its going to be actually being conscious for this baby's birth (that is if they get the spinal/epidural whatever to work this time and I don't have to be under a general) and what impact it will have on our bonding.
Did you bond straight away with your babe? Or did it develop over time?
2 comments:
It definitely took time for us. I remember feeling a great deal of responsibility (and fear), but the "I'm SO IN LOVE" thing that's supposed to happen at minute one? Gosh, I don't know how long it took. A few weeks? And from what I hear from people, that's actually pretty normal. I think a lot of times we don't admit it because we're afraid of the "bad mama!" label.
@perpetua - I was terrified of telling people that I did take a while to get that 'bam!' feeling. I formula fed from the start and was well aware by the time I left hospital how unintelligent, sickly and unbonded my child would be to me!
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